God my head hurts...hard to really focus on anything so this post will be short.
I woke up this morning with a empty bottle of vodka and a really bad headache. Last nights a bit of a blur. But when I checked the blog and read my last post.....I acted like a lunatic. It occurs to me I owe some people apologies.
Med I'm sorry really I am...you and wolf may have actually saved my life. I'm pretty sure you distracted me till I passed out.
Wolf I feel like all I did was rub salt in old wounds. I know you know what it is to suffer....and even my alcohol affected brain was hit hard by what you said. I'm truly sorry. I wish I could be the hero you call me. Heroes help people and do good. I'm not sure how much good I've actually done. All I've shown you is a pathetic man who is easily broken and runs at the first sign of trouble. Just a fool.
Ill explain everything that happened later. For now I'm heading to the drug store for some aspirin.
On the bright side, you now have an empty bottle to throw at the Slender Man.
ReplyDeleteBonus!
-Rose
Yay for recycling!
DeleteYou could make a Molotov cocktail!
DeleteThen yell a really offensive remark. I'll be nearby and yell, "You just got BURNED!"
And then we shall run like hell is chasing us.
-Rose
Sounds like a plan.
DeleteAll I have to do is run past some poor shmuck and toss him/her behind me.
DeleteSlendy will be appeased.
-Rose
It's alright hero.
ReplyDeleteYou know, you're the second person that I've had to try to talk out of committing suicide. The first was Sunshine. Did I ever tell you that you remind me of him? I can't explain why... maybe it's just certain turns of phrase... But you do. You make me think of what might have happened had his head been wired differently. Had he not known me.
That's actually one of the reasons I wanted to start helping you. Maybe I figure that I can make up a little bit for not being able to save him by helping you. It's stupid and unfair, right?
Well, I hope you can forgive an old monster's sentiment and selfishness.
On that note, I should mention that Strider is getting close and you should really be on your guard, hero.
And yes, I still call you hero because you've gone through betrayals and loss and pain. You have surely seen the ugliness of humanity around you- brought into the light by the malice or desperation in those marked by the Fears one way or another. You have seen all, yet you still wish to help. You have still attempted to rise above it.
I remind you of sunshine? I don't find what your doing selfish. I'm not sure how far I would have gotten had you not helped me. I also know Strider is almost here. I'm ready for him.
ReplyDeleteYes, my dear, you do. I call myself selfish because I know it is unfair for me to saddle you will my failings. That being said, I am glad that I've been able to help you, hero
DeleteThere's one other thing that bothers me....why do you continuously call yourself a monster?
DeleteWhen others see you they may see you as just that, a monster. A women who kills people and works for a monster. I don't though I see a women who has suffered greatly....I see a women who has done the best she can with the hand she's been dealt by life and that's all any of us can ever do.
A monster wouldn't have helped me even with reasons that you think are selfish. Sorry this just has bothered me.
You're sweet, hero but I believe you are starting to ignore important parts of the whole picture.
DeleteI call myself monster because while I have suffered, I quite enjoy inflicting suffering on others. I love the screams, the blood, the breaking bones, the futile pleading and threatening and bargaining. I love the euphoria of Ritter's song when he is pleased by the bloody spectacle that he has commanded. Otherwise, I love to feel my own hunger sated when I kill outside of his commands
Did you know that before I abducted Fell from her bed that night, I had resisted the idea of making her into what she is now, but I did it. I did it and I enjoyed doing it. With my previous hold ups out of the way, I would find no trouble with attempting the same with another. Tell me dear, did you see that I asked the little lamb Laura if she would kill me? Did you see that I said I would try to avoid killing her if possible? Did you wonder why?
Do you still understand that if Ritter sent me after you, whether to end you or make you part of the family, I would follow His commands? I hope He doesn't, of course, but I would still do it. Heh.. I still think you'd make a good proxy but if you were to become one of us, I'd like to see you make that choice on your own.
Back to my point, this is all part of what I am. This is what makes me a monster.
And yet a sick part of me finds this part of you amusing.
DeleteI know you wouldn't hesitate to kill me. You are after all a proxy before a friend. Kindness gets you killed in this war Wolf. I told you before that if you came after me I wouldn't hesitate to kill you. The truth is I'm not sure I could do it. I couldn't kill you. I guess I'm still just like a kid, naive.
Ha! Now that's what I'm talking about! Such potential...
DeleteBut tell me dear, why couldn't you kill me?
Surely I've earned it. There would be one less monster and a lot of people who would thank you for my removal.
How do I differ from the others in your mind?
I'm not sure I can explain. But your my friend....and I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you. Guess I'm just too kind for my own good.
DeleteI'm supposed to be the hero remember? And a hero doesn't hurt his friends.
If that's true then yes, you are most definitely too kind. But... It still means a lot to me. Thank you, dear hero-
Deletemy friend.